confuse.....
Totally confused!!i have no idea wat i want & i m gonna go crazy sooner or later!!m i doin da rite decision? will i regret? i jz wonder...went 2 TARC 2day... 4 its open day..& guess wat is da 1st course i went 2 ask 4... MEDIA STUDDIES!! lolz..ppl might think is so NOT me... lolz^^ well... i went 2 survey all da courses dat TARC has... & da only course i m interested is MASS COMUNICATION..let me tell u guys bout da real me..i m not those who cud study whole night long or burn da mid nite oil jz 4 exams.. i would prefer enjoying da exam dan gving myself preasure bout it... i love doin practical NOT theory... i enjoy doin projects NOT locking myself up & studying like a NERD... i wish i cud choose a course dat i really interested & enjoy wat i m gonna learn.. i love socialising more dan facing sumthing "DEAD" such as a calculator... lolz.. i like facing ppl, presenting., social... NOT business or marketing! i cant say myself as a out spoken person but i m NOT quiet too!! lolz.. i can b out spoken when i hv da confidence in me... i m NOT shy!! dun think i m k? cz i m really not!! lolz.. now, i dunno wat 2 choose.. media studies or media broadcasting???? which one? or in the end i m gonna apply 4 A LEVELS?? i m so gonna b crazy!!! i cant make up my mind... especially ppl around me askin me wat m i choosing but end up gving me suggestions bout da course i choosed... u all r making me confuse!! & soon i'll b in saint!!! gv me a break!!!! sum1 suggested me 2 take up da course.. TOURISM.. bt i noe myself well.. i cud not b those leaving my home & NOT seeing my love ones... & bout dat course....... STILL CONSIDERING~ oooooooooo* sum1 there 2 help me?? i dunno wat shud i do now... i like jobs dat has sumthing 2 do wif media.. but~ m i really suitable 4 it? i dunno.....haiz...........................................................................omg!!! i m really gonna knock myself 2 da wall!!!b4 i cud finish solving da college prob, i hv 2 really b serious while dealing wif my relationship... m i being sensitive or wat?? i jz feel dat sumthing is wrong & da feeling is so different now... not 2 say is sumthing bad... is jz dat.... its DIFFERENThaiz... i dunno wat m i posting about... i m jz confuse & i cant seek 4 help.. everything is up 2 me 2 decide.. i nid 2 learn being a independent girl now... i hv 2 earn money 4 my college fees... my pocket money.. everything! my life is own my hand & i feel so preasure.. i jz hope he cud understands me 2~ i m sorry 4 being so unreasonable lately but i m really in a bad mood... i get mad easily & i ruined things up... i noe he won't b reading this now.. but still, i wanna tell my darling.. "I LOVE U!!!"dear,i still love u no matter wat... i noe i hv not been a gud gf.. i admit it but i'll try 2 change.. i hv been so preasured lately & i hope u cud really understand.. u might feel i din cared bout u lately but actually, i really do miss u a lot!!!!!!! really a lot!! ur love 2 me might decrease but mine is always increasing.... i noe i m such a idiot now cz i m posting sumthing u'll nvr see... & ppl might think i m a idiot cz i m posting s msg u cant c but nvr told u wat i feel... stupid yea?? lolz.. dats wat u always call me... =) anyway, thx 4 always being there 4 me... love u dear.. muax*dats all 4 now... love ya! muax <3
get a life....
PREASURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!totally tired & worn off!!!!!!!!!!!omg............... y is my life tis way???is there anything i cud do??? i hv done my best... wat can i do anymore 2 make things betta!!?
bt worse 2 worse... i still hv sum1 special there 2 share all my sadness wif me...so dats y i love him...dear, i might not been a gud gf dat u dreamt of bt i really tried my best..dats all.... sick of blogging...love u all* muackzzzz
MY VALENTINE <3
2day is edi 17th February...& i m only starting 2 blog bout my valentines day... lolz...well... on da actual date on valentines day..................i nid 2 work =(i c ppl holding flowers & presents... feel so *jealous* lolz^^on da 15th February...dats da day i celebrated my valentines day~we went 4 movie in da afternoon... watch *FIREWALL* [a cool movie yea~ lolz^^]after da movie, went 2 carefour 2 do "marketing" [as in go & buy food 4 dinner.. lolz] we bought lamb meat & ingredients 4 spaghetti.. [i was planning 2 cook spaghetti.. cz i was only gud at tis =) ]it was raining while we left MV... den we went 2 his sis's hse 2 cook...we actually bought candles 2.. it was suppose 2 b a *candle light dinner* =)it was fun cooking wif him.. i cooked spaghetti & he cooked da lamb... & it actually turn out quite nice!! lolz... we light up da candles & had a ROMANTIC dinner...& here comes da presents!! lolz...i bought him a t-shirt & wallet... & he actually bought me da PINK *Playboy* watch i love so much!! [thx darling!!!!! love ya!!! *MUAX*] after dinner... time 2 go home =(well... i wish i cud spend more time wif him.....he gave me a really happy valentines day & i realli did enjoy myself~darling, thx a lot... i appreciate wat u had did 4 me.. *muax*dats all 4 now... tired~lolz... tata
wat shud i do?
last nite...i was so boring... really boring till i can go crazy!! i msg him but he mistaken me dat i was mad.. did i really lost control wif my attitude? i wonder~recall last nite, i still think i din lose my tempered & i wasnt mad at all!! did i do anything wrong?!tis morning, i called him... he told me he didnt wanna reply me.. mayb he thinks i m unreasonable, mayb i m..... i dunno*when i heard him telling me wud not care bout me if i m mad without a reason.. i felt heartbroken.. he nvr understands.. nvr there 2 understand wat r my feelings.. i nvr get mad 4 nth!! i nvr!! i m aso a human.. i hv feelings!! when i m unhappy... or i m moody.. i lose control wigf my attitude.. i dun mind there isn't any1 2 comfort me.. but at least try understanding my feelings!!! do i nid 2 pretend i m ok while i m not!!!! if i m moody, i cant express my feeling 2 my luv one? den wat m i goin 2 do??!! pretending nth happen & cry alone in my room???!! i was moody last nite cz i was unhappy!!! i chatted wif alex & he was unhappy.. he told me he miss me.. & of cz i jz assume he is jk.. but things jz seems so different! he wasnt da bro i use 2 noe.. his attitude 2 me changed.. i dunno how 2 make him feel betta! where is da bro-sis relationship we use 2 hv??!! i appreciated it so much bt now...i msg my luv one, jz wanna let him noe i m moody... thought he'll b there 2 cheer me up~ bt seems dat he is busy... & actually not replying my last msg cz think dat i m unreasonable!! all he thought of me was i m unreasonable & lose my tempered!! did he bother 2 ask me da reason i m moody!!!??? everything happens 4 a reason.. if i lose tempered cz i m boring, does dat sound so i m crazy!!?? he told me i was unreasonable & wont bother me... i heard it thru da phone tis morning, telling me himself!! dat moment, my heart broke into half.. *i hv nth 2 say*after putting down da phone, we msg each other.. my tears was rolling down while messaging him msgs full of laughter... i cant get over wif it.. my heart was like being stabbed wif a sharp knife.. so pain till i cant describe... da wound cant b seen neither b touched.. nth cud cure it bt myself..i was always askin myself 2 dun b so stupid & emo but how cum i nvr succeed doin it??!! how many times i wanna let myself hurt!!?? i m bringing out da porblem myself! all aso my fault!!!sorry 4 being so emo bt i cant help it!!i pray... pray 4 my true love... pls dun leave me again...i dun wanna try da taste of being left behind again... plz!!!god... i beg u... pls gv me a happy life... jz a simple life.. plz..........................................i dun ask 4 more... pls..i dun wanna b alone... i hate being lonely!! i jz wan sum1 2 understand me.. & will always b there 4 me.. i noe i m not gd enuf bt i'll try my best... i jz wan my happy life back!!!!!i wan da happy me again... da one i use 2 b last time.. da one who always laugh bt not crying!! plz... sum1 help me~its raining now... around 4.26pm in da afternoon..i feel so moody & i dunno wat 2 do.. my sis & da catz r sleeping.. left me alone~ alone blogging here... he's rite, life is not jz missing sum1 u luv.. dats much more meaniingful things waiting 4 me 2 do..i hv been so emo.. any1 seen ppl crying in front da pc while blogging? well... u met 1 now... lolz..take care... [if i typed anything wrong, pls dun mind.. i dun hv da mood 2 review wat i had typed..]
my off day......
2day is my off day!!!!!!!early da morning i woke up & went 2 take my bath...i had breakfast & i was set 2 go 2 da saloon... i planned 2 highlight my hair long time ago & finally......... now i cud!!!!! lolz...i highlighted my hair *brown+red*... is not really obvious but i really like da colour.. i cut my hair & highlighted it wif rm90... worth anot ar?? lolz.. i dunno~after my hair was done... i went home 2 call my dearest darling... lolz^^we planned 2 go out 4 a movie & i called aub out 2...he went 2 pick aub up & came 2 fetch me.. we went 2 mv & watched da movie *my kungfu sweetheart* [a really funny comedy.. u shud c da way aub laughed!! lolz..] after da movie, we went SHOPPING!!! lolz... bought a pants & blouse 4 myself & it cost me rm105!! lolz... nvm~ once a while mah!! lolz... den i bought a black t-shirt 4 my darling... lolz... [& not 4getting 2 mention, aub choosed all da clothes 4 us!! include my darling's!! lolz... she hv gud taste~] after dat, we went converse & tropicana life... omg!! i luv da pink t-shirt i saw in converse!!!! but they run out of size!!! i luv it so much!! 2 bad lor... no size~ *sobz* we went 2 U2 & there is where my darling bought a purple t-shirt 4 me~ [choosed by aub 2... lolz...] well... i nvr had a purple t-shirt... i love it 2 da max!!! not cz it is purple cz is frm my darling!!! lolz...thx dear~after spending money, we sent aub home... me & my darling went 2 hv porridge steamboat 4 dinner~ din really think is tasty lar.. but at least we tried lar.. [he was longing 2 try it..] after dinner, its time 4 me 2 go home!! oo*~ why time past so fast!!! after sending me home... here i m~ blogging... lolz.. [of cz i had my bath & everything 1st!!] now i m listening 2 da song *now & forever*, it makes me miss him so much~ my favourite song dat he sent 2 me.. [miss him so much!!!!!!]its late... i'll stop here...love u guys!!! muax!!!p/s:me & aub mentioned steff 2day... jz wanna let steff noes.. * we r there 4 u always~ take care dear...* muax!!! call u nex time..
Appreciate wat i hv....
*who really cares bout *4eva love*?*shud we appreciate wat we hv now?*will things really last if we believe in it?a nite we chatted...chatted bout a lot things.. things we went thru...it was like chattin wif a fren.. a fren who i believes in.. made me thought of sum ppl which were in my life & gave me support always... its been a long time.. i miss them so much..*Boon Pink*a fren of mine... who was da first person i really believe with..i recall da 1st time we meet... i was a prefect & i was there 2 take care of his class!! lolz...i was jz only form 2!!! lolz... he was form 3 & i notice he was da best looking guy among da others.. since then, poi chin & i started noticing him..are we lucky or wat.. lolz.. his fren yow fei actually wanted 2 tackle poi chin!! lolz... [she is pretty~]frm there we get da chance 2 noe boon pink... we were so childish!! lolz... so happy cz we get 2 noe him..after not long, poi chin & boon pink actually coupled!!!!! lolz... of cz yow fei was a bit da sad...they were goin well frm da start & there comes sum1 who tore them both apart... poi chin's feelin 2 him wasn't strong enuf.. she choosed da other guy, left boon pink... being da best fren of da one he loved, he called me 2 ask 4 help.. but there wasn't anything i cud do...i started comforting him & there is when we started 2 b gud frenz..when i was always unhappy, he will b there 4 me... i told him everything & i was glad dat he was there 2 listen... he came into my life as a fren... a really gud fren i nvr had.. he nvr left me alone when i m lonely..everytime i feel unhappy, he is da 1st person who comes into my mind... till now, i still miss him..we both almost coupled... but in d end, we notice we arent meant 2 b 2gether... [though we admited we like each other... lolz^^ ] still remember da time i asked him, " DO U LIKE ME? JZ ANSWER YES OR NO!!" lolz...a bit da straight rite? lolz^^ & he answered me wif a soft voice, "yes..." but still.... we thought bout it wisely & decided 2 remain as frenz...it has been so long since da last time i saw him... da last time we chatted was like ages ago...though time has past, but da trust i hv in him nvr fade away..i really hope fate will bring us 2gether again... a friendship da will nvr ends...boon pink, thx...*Chun Kee*lets recall how we knew each other...oh yar!! he was aubrey's bf... lolz^^he had aubrey & i had thiam chye... [aubrey & thiam chaye = so call brother & sisters]i saw both of them got 2gether... saw them hving porblem wif their relationship... saw how aubrey hurted him.. saw aubrey leaving him...remember da time he called 2 tell me dat he & aub broke up, he cried... he did love aubrey a lot!!but they got back later........... -.-" lolz..then i saw how he loved aubrey & wat he done 4 her... *so touching*we bcame frenz cz we share sumthing in common.. da attitude our patners has [like settling relatationship problems by breaking up..]we chatted so much bout feelings & everytime we chat... we chat really long.....he was a true fren, really cares 4 me.. he felt heartahce when i m hurt... he always hear me crying over da phone & comfort me... till da time i was hurted by choong yik, he asked me.. he said he will take care me & love me.. but...................lolz.... things go funny again!! we tried being 2gether 1 week & we still prefer being frenz.. lolz..mayb we r 2 close & we noe each other 2 much.. so we still appreciates da friendship we use 2 hv...once a while, he calls... i can feel his care... thz a lot!chun kee, thz 4 being there...*Alex*alex... my pet bro...knew him during my first job in metrojaya!!! lolz...dat was da best job i eva had... he was working at Renoma & i was at Valentino...being da youngest & only teenage girl there, every1 take cares me a lot!! especially ah sheat & alex.. after aub came 2 visit me, i only knew dat his gf was one of da 4 flowers in our sch, min huah!! lolz... i was so suprise!! he was my senior.. elder dan me 3 years...after a month workin, we had bcame so call bro & sis... he really treats me like his own sis.. cares bout me & nvr complains!! lolz...though later we seldom meet, he still calls me & cares bout me.. he really remembered me!!!!! *proud 2 hv him as a bro*when i felt lost, he stood up 4 me... lolz [still remember while i was at tmn sg besi, thx kor!!!!!!!]till now, he still cares.. & i really thx him 4 all da advice he gave me.. i hv learnt a lot!!thx 2 my dear bro.... *promise* i'll live betta.. dun worry =)these r all da ppl who came into my life & helped me a lot while dealing wif my miserable life~i truly thx them & i hope i'll meet them soon... is been ages since da last time i saw them!! but da caring they gave me remains in my heart always no matter how long time had past..i love u guys.. *best wishes* in u guys' life & i promise 2 b strong!!! thx 4 ya supports, muax!!*may my friendship wif them nvr ends~ god bless...
Happy Chinese New Year...
at last i m back home... after a few days of celebrating CNY, i m back home on9!! lolzChinese New Year Eve~i was supposed 2 b goin 2 work on new year eve...early da morning, i woke up.. i felt so dizzy & i had a really bad headache. i thought dat it will b ok after a while so i went 2 hv my bath... after taking a refreshing bath, i head off 2 work.he came 2 fetch me 2 work.. in da car, i felt really sick... so he took me 2 c da doctor instead... we went 2 da clinic at tmn desa... da minute i stepped into da clinic.. i was like "wow!!" so many ppl o!! CNY so many ppl sick meh?? lolz... well.. i waited 4 quite a long time & my darling waited wif me 2... he was a great accompany... he was at my side when i felt so suffering... he comforted me & nvr complaint dat he was tired [mayb he is... but he nvr said so... "but no matter wat, i love u dear..." ] after an hour... finally it was my turn... i went 2 c da doctor & receive a lot advice which i dun like!! lolz... so many kind of food cant eat!!! its CNY & i actually hv 2 stop myself frm simply eating food.... =(after seeing da doctor, he sent me home... right till my hse door!!!!! lolz... 1st time~ [damm... my dad missed da chance seeing him!! lolz...]me & my family headed back 2 Mentakad around 2pm & reached at 5pm..had dinner wif my grandparents... den i went 2 sleep... [cz i m sick!!!!!!! lolz]1st day of CNY~woke up in da morning & wore my new blouse!! lolz...went 2 my aunts' hse and sure............. went 2 get ANGPAU!!!!! lolz..sms wif my darling lor.......................... & there is my day....lolz...2nd day of CNY~early da morning.... back 2 GEMAS!!! lolz... always like 2 go back during CNY!!! FUN!! lolz.... tis year, uncle Geon Hock is back frm CANADA 4 CNY... [wish i cud go back wif him... lolz~ wanted 2 go canada for a long time^^] we had a lot of fun when v were in Gemas... couz r all there & we get money frm uncle Yoon Lai!!! lolz... he is da "choi san yeh"...$$$$$ lolz... chatted a lot wif Julie & Jc... [bout~ lol.....sum1 lar....^^]3rd day of CNY~i woke up & there was so breakfast!!! da whole day, i watch tv lar... gamble lar... den eat lar....haiyoh!!! so boring wei..... in da afternoon, i went 2 took a nap again...lolz^^when i woke up, adults r off 2 gemas town 4 dinner & da "small kids" [dat includes every1 which is unmarried k? lolz^^] stayed at home... d maid cook 4 us & we all still feel hungry...lolz..around 10pm, da adults r back ... my parents packed their things into da car & is time 2 go back 2 KL!!!in da car, patchy & coco slept wif me... we reached home around 1am...i went 2 bed after i came back cz i nid 2 work... lolz...these few days... i miss him so much... u noe who u r...everytime i thought of him... no matter wat m i doin, he appeears in my mind...y i love him??? i dunno y.... wats da reason??? all i noe is i love him.... love him... love him!!!!!cant control my feelings... i sound so stupid rite???? =(i noe i m not gd enuf but wat can i do????? is this da real me???? did i really changed or i hv been pretending all along???so confused~ love him but still think i m not gd enuf 4 him... wat m i thinkin!!!?????i dunno wat is da real me... sumtimes i feel is ok 2 b understanding but once a while i lose control & my bad attitude will come up 2 me again!!!! omg...... wat chud i do??? i m scared he cant stand me... cz i m so affraid i'll lose him...mayb i was pampered 2 much by my ex & now i m such a baby!! dear, will u still love me???no matter wat.... i still love him... jz like he said~ i love him more dan da water in da ocean...*muax*is my blog boring? lolz.... but is jz sumthing i wanna type lar...cz i m so boring....lolz...wish every1 HAPPY CNY yea!!! muackz................................
