wat shud i do?

last nite...
i was so boring... really boring till i can go crazy!! i msg him but he mistaken me dat i was mad.. did i really lost control wif my attitude? i wonder~
recall last nite, i still think i din lose my tempered & i wasnt mad at all!! did i do anything wrong?!
tis morning, i called him... he told me he didnt wanna reply me.. mayb he thinks i m unreasonable, mayb i m..... i dunno*
when i heard him telling me wud not care bout me if i m mad without a reason.. i felt heartbroken.. he nvr understands.. nvr there 2 understand wat r my feelings.. i nvr get mad 4 nth!! i nvr!! i m aso a human.. i hv feelings!! when i m unhappy... or i m moody.. i lose control wigf my attitude.. i dun mind there isn't any1 2 comfort me.. but at least try understanding my feelings!!! do i nid 2 pretend i m ok while i m not!!!! if i m moody, i cant express my feeling 2 my luv one? den wat m i goin 2 do??!! pretending nth happen & cry alone in my room???!! i was moody last nite cz i was unhappy!!! i chatted wif alex & he was unhappy.. he told me he miss me.. & of cz i jz assume he is jk.. but things jz seems so different! he wasnt da bro i use 2 noe.. his attitude 2 me changed.. i dunno how 2 make him feel betta! where is da bro-sis relationship we use 2 hv??!! i appreciated it so much bt now...
i msg my luv one, jz wanna let him noe i m moody... thought he'll b there 2 cheer me up~ bt seems dat he is busy... & actually not replying my last msg cz think dat i m unreasonable!! all he thought of me was i m unreasonable & lose my tempered!! did he bother 2 ask me da reason i m moody!!!??? everything happens 4 a reason.. if i lose tempered cz i m boring, does dat sound so i m crazy!!?? he told me i was unreasonable & wont bother me... i heard it thru da phone tis morning, telling me himself!! dat moment, my heart broke into half.. *i hv nth 2 say*
after putting down da phone, we msg each other.. my tears was rolling down while messaging him msgs full of laughter... i cant get over wif it.. my heart was like being stabbed wif a sharp knife.. so pain till i cant describe... da wound cant b seen neither b touched.. nth cud cure it bt myself..
i was always askin myself 2 dun b so stupid & emo but how cum i nvr succeed doin it??!! how many times i wanna let myself hurt!!?? i m bringing out da porblem myself! all aso my fault!!!
sorry 4 being so emo bt i cant help it!!
i pray... pray 4 my true love... pls dun leave me again...
i dun wanna try da taste of being left behind again... plz!!!
god... i beg u... pls gv me a happy life... jz a simple life.. plz..........................................
i dun ask 4 more... pls..
i dun wanna b alone... i hate being lonely!! i jz wan sum1 2 understand me.. & will always b there 4 me.. i noe i m not gd enuf bt i'll try my best... i jz wan my happy life back!!!!!
i wan da happy me again... da one i use 2 b last time.. da one who always laugh bt not crying!! plz... sum1 help me~

its raining now... around 4.26pm in da afternoon..
i feel so moody & i dunno wat 2 do.. my sis & da catz r sleeping.. left me alone~ alone blogging here... he's rite, life is not jz missing sum1 u luv.. dats much more meaniingful things waiting 4 me 2 do..

i hv been so emo.. any1 seen ppl crying in front da pc while blogging? well... u met 1 now... lolz..
take care... [if i typed anything wrong, pls dun mind.. i dun hv da mood 2 review wat i had typed..]